A Little Doggone

Where-oh-where have I been? Today, I’ve been sitting in the melting pot (no, not a cultural mash-up of people-variety– A literal hot-can of sweat-producing thick-wet-air) that is my house.

SSSSSUCK IT, SSSSSSUNNNNN!

I cannot believe with what persistence the sun is trying to melt me. NAY, to melt US! Clearly what we need here, folks, is to team up and kick the sweltering ass of that burning-bright-beast! Ah… On second thought… perhaps what we need is a sacrifice… to the Sun… Perhaps it’s mad that we’ve bottled and consumed so much of it in it’s liquid form, more commonly known as “Sunny D”, and it is punishing us until we right this universal wrong. NASA, COME BACK! We need to launch every single, solitary, salty, sweet, sip of Sunny D into orbit, preferably in the direction of the Sun, so that the Sun may consume himself and feel right again.

That sounds like a lot of work, so I’ll leave it up to the professionals… whoever you are. I’m just the idea-man– Yuh-welcome. For now and the rest of the afternoon, I’ll be focusing all of my energy on figuring out how to make my freezer explode with endless snow possibilities. If I’m a success, to the locals, yuh-welcome to come play in my snow. If I’m a failure, to the locals, yuh-welcome to come play in my sauna house.

Later,
Kater

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